Life is about choices. Oh, I know we’ve all heard that before and we all know it’s true; the question is how true is it?
I have had to battle the demons from my past the last few days. Those memories that haunt and an attitude that wants to settle around me like a dark cloud and seep into my skin to become a part of me again.
A close friend of mine told me that I should stop writing positive drivel and write about a lot of the crap that I’ve experienced along the way. I told him that no one would believe all the stuff I’ve been through, not that it didn’t happen, but that there is so much of it. Truly, most people experience one or two major mishaps in life if they are unlucky enough, but I’ve had so many that even I sit and shake my head in wonder at why I am still here at times.
He also told me that I have a great talent for description and that if I have something to say then just say it. Well, okay, but I will do it my way, not yours.
For the last few days and especially last night, the darkness tried really hard to reassert its self and last night I went to bed feeling like I was losing the battle, that I had failed and should just write everything that happened, reliving it all in vivid detail as I did. I had nightmares all night.
The thing is, while I was experiencing living with an abusive, narcissistic, sociopath and that was after being in a rather odd relationship with another one previously, I had become a ghost like reflection of who I once was. In those years I was just a shell of a person functioning on the outside, putting up a good front so that things would seem normal to those who looked on.
I still had a positive attitude even then, though I struggled with it and it was only surface deep. I still believed in better days and that the sun would shine.
In talking to my friend something defensive in me woke up. It wasn’t a whimpering, sad shadow either. He kept asking me how I could be so positive after so much. My unwavering answer is because NO ONE CONTROLS ME! No one controls my attitude and my outlook except ME!
Whatever the world and life throws your way, you CAN come out stronger, better, but it’s a choice. You have the power to CHOOSE how you apply the events and mishaps in your life. You can learn from them and become stronger, or you can let them take you down, dwelling on them, feeling anger, revenge, helplessness, and relive them over and over. I choose to learn, to get up and to keep going. I choose to believe there’s more that life has to teach and offer.
I don’t just think the sun will shine again and that better days will eventually be here….I KNOW.
For me, it’s no longer faith as much as it’s experience. When you’re up against that cliff and there’s nothing to do but to step off the ledge, you can be sure that God is going to catch you, or teach you to fly. The thing is that in order to go forward, you do have to move, faith is grown by action, not waiting and life is about choices.
Cherry Coley (c)
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SpilledCookies 
I agree with you 100%, I do have a question for you though, how do you deal with energy from others which is contradictory to your success? When you know someone is sending strong energy at you that is not alined with your goals, and dreams? How do you keep that from derailing you?
You know, that’s hard. My parents loved me very much and I was taught to seek their approval all my life. However, what they would always do is tell me everything that could go wrong and why, and throw up every kind of obstacle they could think of in my way. I realize NOW they were trying to help me think things through thoroughly, but their way of doing things didn’t work for me….ever! By the time they were done I was so surrounded by obstacles and a mine field that often I would just walk away. Now? Somehow I have learned along the way to sift things through. Look at the intentions of the person. If here is truth in what they are saying then sift through all the other stuff and take that – make it something you can use. If they truly are contradictory to your success then you need to seek input elsewhere – then inform them that you need respect from them. You respect and asked for their input, but if they cannot be constructive instead of destructive then you will bypass them for others who are more in alignment to what you need. (that’s hard to do – but it does get easier.) I hope this helps. I also sent you an email yesterday. 🙂
Thanks for the input (and the email) I replied and I appreciate you in all you do and for being honest, have a great week.
I’m going through so much of the same things as you . I have been through so much as well that lately my feeling is not to get back up this time . Whats the sense ….iv’e been here 3 times and I’m tired of the corrupt world ….I try to be honest and hard working only to be used in ways that drain me , and then the perps move on . I do know however if I do this that I will give all my power to the perps , by empowering them I make them stronger than me . So I will drudge on , I will empower myself and move forward , like you said in your blog god will be there for me as well . My grandfather told me one day , the best revenge is living good . I have also been fighting demons of the past here lately I couldn’t sleep last night either because of the thoughts running through my head. I’m behind you , as well as with you , you are not alone . Be proud of yourself , as the little bit of you I have seen is an awesome person.
The sense in getting back up? What’s the alternative? You have an incredible world just waiting to be explored and experienced. There are new people to meet, a new life, a new perspective each morning. Don’t let the darkness of the night fool you, there is always a reason to get back up – look in the mirror and tell yourself the reason is YOU. You are worth fighting for. I used to look in the mirror and stare at the girl, then one day I started telling my reflection I loved her and I would fight for her. I burst into tears. So, I did it until I didn’t cry anymore. I did it until I believed it.
You are still here so you still have a purpose. There will always be people who try to use us, and drain us. You will find your own weapons to use against them as you go. It just takes time. You are not alone. You are a talented writer and – from what I’ve seen – an awesome person yourself. Fight for the person you are. Those demons have no power at all unless you give it to them. 🙂
Quote from the Matrix: “You’re not here to find out what your choice is. You have already made the choice. You’re here to find out why you made that choice.”
Man, the Matrix can mess with your head. I am not sure about that. I think you get choices along the way, I am definitely on a different path than I chose in the beginning.
All I can think to say “You Go Girl!” 🙂
Thank you!!
Concise post.Powerful illustration! Thanks.
Thanks for sharing.I love your attitude.And agree with so much you’ve shared…all but one thing…”I don’t just think the sun will shine again and that better days will eventually be here….I KNOW.” There is a link between it all bad as it might have been and destiny.Find it!Best Wishes.
Find what? the link? Oh the stories – it would take so long to tell. There is a very definite connection, but the sun coming out is directly related to how you respond and approach things. If you dwell on the dark days and the negative, then you may never see the sun again. I’ve lived through bad relationships, bad circumstances, near death experiences, abusive situations and having to give up nearly everything to keep a roof over our heads and to feed my kids. Faith works – when you refuse to believe otherwise. It works.
Hi, I think your bravery and strengh are incredible! I’ve been thru a lot in my life, so I know how trying that can be! I hope everything works out for you, stay well! Thank you for the like and follow! Keep writing!
Thank you for your observations and comments. You’re very encouraging! 🙂