Feeling a bit Dark

Every now and then I feel a little “dark.”  I can’t claim it’s something caused by grief as it’s something that I have felt now and then all of my life.  In these moods I tend to turn up Evanescense and light candles.  She just seems to speak to my soul in those moments. 

When I was very young and my mom worked at the church daycare, during nap time I would sneak into the dark sanctuary inside the church.  I both loved and feared the dark church.  The church was alive, you could feel the spirit in the building.  Oh, I know there are people who will think I’m full of it, but go into an active church sometime, alone, in the dark, sit down and listen, stay awhile and then tell me you don’t feel anything. 

The feeling in the sanctuary wasn’t always the same.  Sometimes it was a very comforting feeling, sometimes it was a vibrant and joyous feeling, sometimes it was an almost forbidding feeling that scared me.  At times you could hear echoes of conversations or music playing. 

I’ve always loved old buildings, cathedrals, castles, court houses, and old houses.  There is just something about them that speaks of history and echoes of the past.  I love running my hands along the old stones or wood, wondering about the hands that worked on creating the building.  Who were the people?  Were they forced to work on the building, or did they lovingly put together each brick?  You can tell the care that went in to some buildings, especially the cathedrals with their intricately carved beams. 

It looks like it’s time for a trip to Old City Park or maybe some old churches.  Time to touch history.

Cherry Coley (c)




8 thoughts on “Feeling a bit Dark

  1. I think that these dark moments can inspire us. I seem to write my best poetry and my most intricate pieces when I am in that place. Ahhhh— Amy Lee. There is nothing like her. It sounded like you were in my house! Haha… Try putting a few drops of peppermint oil in your candles! Nice… Check out this post http://myvoyagethroughtime.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/amy-lee-the-beautiful-writer-with-a-symbolic-video-and-magical-lungs/
    I recently discovered Christina Perri. She is good as well, still she does not match Lee. I am in awe.

    • Very true. I love listening to Christina Perri and Within Temptation too! Amy Lee is still a favorite. 🙂
      Hmmm…peppermint oil sounds nice. I will have to try that! Thanks!

  2. I agree the spirits are very active in churches, I’ve been in other buildings and even out door places where I could feel the spirits, great post and as always you’ve explained it eloquently.

  3. I think that we all feel ‘darkness’ over us at different times. I can relate to your statement about the feeling not being inspired completely by grief, I personally believe that our requirement to rationalize the unresolved events in our life is more of a catalyst for these episodes. Some find comfort in familiar places, religious locations, sites of historical significance, while others choose to compartmentalize and sit on the feelings and never get around to dealing with them

    I was a bit concerned about your lighting of candles, can’t explain why but I immediately had the image of Carrie White walking back into her house after the prom…. please tell me that you weren’t presenting a fire hazard (lol).

    I never knew that the sanctuary was where you went to during nap time… SOMEBODY kept having me face the wall, so I rarely saw ANYthing… just a wall. What I want to know is why weren’t YOU ‘doing time’ with us in the general populace? I always thought you were a ‘plant’ and feeding sensitive intel back to the commandant about our activities…. (I think now that I watched a tad too much ‘Hogan’s Heros’ back then). We always kept ‘hush’ around you and your brother, we never knew who was next for the walk down the ‘Green Mile’ to the Gas chambers, or worse…. the kitchen where your mom kept the bar of soap. I can still remember watching your mom, from my safety point behind the french doors to the pantry, as she fed soap to different kids over the years…. I have never looked at a bar of soap the same since, I buy the gel now…..

    I cannot say that I ever found any peace or solace in that sanctuary. Sure, it’s pretty and well decorated but that statue of Jesus in the west wall, facing the sanctuary entrance, scared the absolute bejeezus out of me. It was firmly implanted in my mind that he wanted to chop me into tiny pieces with an axe. To this day, I cannot say where I got that idea but I vividly remember looking in the slotted window in the door at our savior and thinking how I’d much rather be in the pantry while Mrs. Brown made breakfast. She used to feed me cookies after a good ‘haunting’ at the sanctuary (guess that’s why I eat a lot of junk during scary movies now). I also wasn’t the only one terrified of our savior, I cannot remember the number of other kids that Rodney Durham, Tim Johnson, Gerald and I had shoved in there while holding the door shut (that is until Tim kung-fued the boys bathroom door open and bit Dusty on the forehead and was kicked outta daycare).

    ANYwho….. back to topic… we do deal with the darkness in similar fashions. My heart actually morns for those that cannot face these issues and ‘eternally spin’ within themselves.

    I am sorry to hear about the journey your having with the darkness, perhaps taking me to Hooter’s again might brighten up your world (for an hour or so at least). God has a different purpose for each of us and the placement of certain others in our lives. Perhaps mine is to brighten (or torture) yours… matter of perspective 😉

    We should totally go to church at the sanctuary one Sunday (in the daytime…. Jesus is scary at 6:30 a.m.). They still speak English there, right?

    • Gary, Gary. hahaha. You make me smile. 🙂
      I became friends with the dark long ago. Strangely it has never scared me. Sometimes I confess to searching it out. There really is light and dark in all of us, but sometimes we gather inspiration, wisdom and even experience from both.
      I used to go to midnight mass at the Catholic church on Christmas Eve – beautiful ceremony – haunting how they had the nuns singing out of sight so that their voices sort of floated down and surrounded you. Each church is different – they all have different spirits and people. I went to a reformed Jewish synagog a few times on Beltline road. I think of all the churches I’ve been in, that was the most vibrantly alive and joyful place. The people were amazing and hearing the service in Hebrew, Greek and English – gives you chills. To hear the history and see their dances – know that each step, each hand movement, means something and that Jesus witnessed those same dances in His time. Absolutely amazing.

      I love candles, have a LOT of candles, scented oils, incense, I just love them!! Not much into Scentsy….sorry. I even do some aromatherapy, experiment with making lotions and soaps too. 🙂 Jesus was scary with the lighting they had on him in that sanctuary. That statue and the pictures are not there anymore. I have been in the sanctuary since the church sold, it is beautifully redone and completely different – decorated in turqouis, purple and gold.

      Hooters or Buffalo Wild Wings do seem to be calling me a lot! Maybe next weekend? 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s